Anya
This is the man that I plan to entangle, isn't he fine?
My claim to fame was to maim and to mangle, vengeance was mine
But I'm out of the biz
The name I made I'll trade for his
The only trouble is-
I'll never tell
Xander
She is the one, she's such wonderful fun, such passion and grace
Warm in the night, when I'm right in her tight embrace, tight embrace
I'll never let her go
The love we've known can only grow
There's just one thing that- no
I'll never tell
Anya, Xander
'Cause there's nothing to tell
Anya
He snores
Xander
She wheezes
Anya
Say 'housework' and he freezes
Xander
She eats these skeezy cheeses that I can't describe
Anya
I talk, he breezes
Xander
She doesn't know what pleases
Anya
His penis got diseases from a Chumash tribe
Anya, Xander
The vibe gets kind of scary
Xander
Like she thinks I'm ordinary
Anya
Like it's all just temporary
Xander
Like her toes are kind of hairy
Anya, Xander
But it's all very well
'Cause god knows I'll never tell
Anya
When things get rough, he just hides behind his Buffy
Now look, he's getting huffy, 'cause he knows that I know
Xander
She clings, she'd needy, she's also really greedy
She never-
Anya
His eyes are beady
Xander
This is my verse, hello?! She-
Anya
Look at me, I'm dancing crazy
Anya, Xander
You know
Xander
You're quite the charmer
Anya
My knight in armour
Xander
You're the cutest of the Scoobies with your lips as red as rubies
And your firm yet supple tight embrace
Anya
He's swell
Xander
She's sweller
Anya
He'll always be my fella
Xander
That's why I'll never tell her that I'm petrified
Anya
I've read this tale, there's wedding then betrayal
I know that come the day I'll want to run and hide
Anya, Xander
I lied, I said it's easy
I've tried, but there's these fears I can't quell
Xander
Is she looking for a pot of gold?
Anya
Will I look good when I've gotten old?
Xander
Will our lives become too stressful if I'm never that successful?
Anya
When I get so worn and wrinkly that I look like David Brinkley?
Xander
Am I crazy?
Anya
Am I dreaming?
Xander
Am I marrying a demon?
Anya, Xander
We could really raise the beam in making marriage a hell
So thank god I'll never tell
I swear that I'll never tell
Xander
My lips are sealed
Anya
I take the fifth
Xander
Nothing to see, move it along
Anya, Xander
I'll never tell
