(Anya) This is the man that I plan to entangle, isn't he fine?
My claim to fame was to maim and to mangle, vengeance was mine!
But I'm out of the biz, the name I made I'll trade for his.
The only trouble is ... I'll never tell.
(Xander) She is the one, she's such wonderful fun, such passion and grace.
Warm in the night, when I'm right in her tight ... embrace. Tight embrace!
I'll never let her go. The love we've known can only grow.
There's just one thing that...no. I'll never tell.
(both) Cuz there's nothing to tell.
(Anya) He snores.
(Xander) She wheezes.
(Anya) Say housework and he freezes.
(Xander) She eats these skeezy cheeses that I can't describe.
(Anya) I talk, he breezes.
(Xander) She doesn't know what pleases.
(Anya) His penis got diseases from a Chumash Tribe!
(both) The vibe gets kind of scary.
(Xander) Like she thinks I'm ordinary.
(Anya) Like it's all just temporary.
(Xander) Like her toes are kinda hairy.
(both) But it's all very well.
Cuz God knows I'll never tell!
(Anya) When things get rough, he just hides behind his Buffy.
Now look, he's gettin' huffy.
Cuz he knows that I know.
(Xander) She clings, she's needy, she's also really greedy.
She never...
(Anya) His eyes are beady!
(Xander) This is my verse, hello? She...
(Anya) Look at me! I'm dancing crazy!
(both) You know
(Xander) You're quite the charmer
(Anya) My knight in armor
(Xander) You're the cutest of the Scoobies,
with your lips as red as rubies,
And your firm yet supple tight embrace!
(Anya) He's swell.
(Xander) She's sweller.
(Anya) He'll always be my feller.
(Xander) That's why I'll never tell her that I'm petrified.
(Anya) I've read this tale, there's wedding then betrayal.
I know there'll come the day I'll want to run and hide.
(both) I lied, I said it's easy.
I've tried, but there's these fears I can't quell.
(Xander) Is she looking for a pot-of-gold?
(Anya) Will I look good when I've gotten old?
(Xander) Will our lives become too stressful
if I'm never that successful?
(Anya) When I get so worn and wrinkly
that I look like David Brinkley?
(Xander) Am I crazy?
(Anya) Am I dreamin'?
(Xander) Am I marrying a demon?
(both) We could really raise the beam
in making a marriage a Hell.
So thank God I'll never tell.
I swear that I'll never tell.
(Xander) My lips are sealed.
(Anya) I take the fifth!
(Xander) Nothin' to see! Move it along!
(Anya) I'll never tell!
