I was at a club, sittin' with my friends
Watchin' all the girls as they walked on through
She came from behind put her hands on my eyes
In a very soft voice, she said "guess who"
I didn't have a clue, didn't recognize the voice
Her fingers seemed wrinkled so I did my only choice
I turned around slow and opened my eyes
And nothing could have ever prepared my for the surprise
She said "I'm a walking sex machine"
But the ho was no younger than 73
Flabby grandma breasts hanging down to her waist
Cellulite flappin' all over the place
Sportin' spandex shorts bright pink and green
She sat on my lap and broke my knee
She breathed in my face and my lunch came up
She's sickening
Things That Make You Go...
Here's what I ordered, started the horror
In some restaurant south of the border
Chicken and rice with a little bit of spice
They made it sound good but it looked like wood
Cut into the chicken, thought it was fried
Maggotts came out and my appetite died
The U.F.O.'s were served in sets
Those are Undigestible Frying Objects
The rice was plastic flavored with bugs
Soda was nothing but carbonated blood
I thought maybe the salad would be safe
But the skunk cabbage gave it a terrible taste
And the chocolate pudding, I don't know how made it
I know what it looked like, I don't wanna say it
The food tasted better as it came back up
Things That Make You Go...
Me and a friend went out to see a film
A good horror flick with a lot of kills
All night horror man I love that stuff
But I didn't know my friend would take it so rough
Seven bucks some soda and food
I was in a pure intense gore mood
The movie started, man I couldn't wait
People were dying left and right it was great
Time went by and the body count grew
My friend just didn't know what to do
My boy kept telling me, "Yo, I feel sick
I better get out of this theater quick"
I said "calm down, I know you'll be fine"
So I was wrong, I couldn't read his mind
The look on his face said vomit was near
He said "I never should have watched..."
Things That Make You Go...
Hey ladies, have you ever seen a guy
Who's ugly as sin and you don't know why
But he kisses your lips and he says "hey toots"
And now you feel as bad as he looks
And then he's there with zits on his face
So many in fact that skin is a waste
He talks to you like there's nothing wrong
But then he pops 'em and the pus flies long
Mysterious smells just materialize
Your lungs implode and there's tears in your eyes
It ain't no use for you to plug your nose
I wonder who farted when the elevator closed
Dressed to express but he looks like a geek
And he hasn't showered in three or four weeks
You come home late and throw up in the sink
