[Wynn]
I was I,
You were you,
And now we're only we.
We are one
Who were two,
Or we had better be.
[Jimmy]
"I now pronounce you man and wife"
Are magic words like "Open Sesame.''
[Wynn]
But though they made you mine for life,
They also made you think much less o' me.
[Jimmy]
It only shows how little you know of it.
[Wynn]
I know a pair who made quite a go of it.
Refrain 1
[Wynn]
He was a man who was very fond of , women.
She was a girl who was very fond of men.
She had a taste for both corpulent and slim men.
He wouldn't look at a lady under ten.
She went abroad just to find a man to marry.
He went abroad just to find himself a wife.
She didn't want any Tom or Dick or Harry.
He sought a mate who'd be true to him for life.
She fell in love with the angle of his eyebrow.
He fell in love with the dimple on her knee.
And when they wed,
He went around with other women
And she went with other men.
And that is he and she!
Refrain 2
[Jimmy]
He always said, "I would like to have a daughter."
She always said, "I would like to have a son."
She took to kids like a duckling takes to water.
He always thought having babies would be fun.
He told her this on the very day he met her.
She said, "The wish is the father to the sport."
He bought a house, in the nursery he set her.
She helped the stork make his annual report.
He won renown as the father of a squadron.
She won awards for her prolificacy.
And just because,
And just because they loved their children
They got married after all.
And that is he and she!
Refrain 3
[Jimmy]
She was so pure as the snow before it's driven.
[Wynn]
He never smoked and he never touched a drop.
[Jimmy]
When she said "Boo" she would ask to be forgiven.
[Wynn]
When he would swim he would always wear the top,
[Jimmy]
She wore no rouge though she had a bad complexion.
[Wynn]
He always prayed ev'ry time he went to bed.
[Jimmy]
She was so kind that she hated vivisection,
[Wynn]
He loved his ma and he swore he' d never wed,
[Jimmy]
She was so chaste that it made her very nervous,
[Wynn]
He loved to go to the vicarage for tea.
[Both]
And when they died,
And when they died and went to Heaven
All the angels moved to Hell.
And that is he and she!
