New Year's Eve. The scene opens on the street outside the
apartment. One table, lying on its end, serves as the door.)
MARK (carrying mock door)
Pan to the padlocked door. New Year's Rocking Eve. The
breaking-back-into-the-building party...
(ROGER and MIMI try in vain to pry a padlock from the door. They
appear to be happy.)
MIMI
How long till next year?
ROGER
Three and half minutes...
MIMI
I'm giving up my vices
I'm going back -- back to school
Eviction or not
This week's been so hot
That long as I've got you
I know I'll be cool
I couldn't crack the love code, dear
'Til you made the lock on my heart explode
It's gonna be a happy new year
A happy new year
(MARK enters the scene.)
MARK
Coast is clear
You're supposed to be working
That's for midnight
Where are they?
There isn't much time
MIMI
Maybe they're dressing
I mean what does one wear that's apropos
For a party -- that's also a crime
(MAUREEN enters wearing a skintight "cat burgular" suit and carrying
a bag of potato chips.)
MAUREEN
Chips, anyone?
MARK
You can take the girl out of Hicksville
But you can't take the Hicksville out of the girl
MAUREEN
My riot got you on TV
I deserve a royalty
MIMI
Be nice you two
Or no god awful champagne
(MAUREEN takes out a cellular phone and dials.)
MAUREEN
Don't mind if I do
No luck?
ROGER
Bolted plywood, padlocked with a chain
A total dead end
MAUREEN
Just like my ex-girlfriend
(on cellular phone)
Honey...?
I know you're there ...
Please pick up the phone
Are you okay?
It's not funny
It's not fair
How can I atone?
Are you okay?
I lose control
But I can learn to behave
Give me one more chance
Let me be your slave
I'll kiss your Doc Martens
Let me kiss your Doc Martens
Your every wish I will obey
(JOANNE enters)
JOANNE
That might be okay
Down girl
Heel...stay
I did a bit of research
With my friends at legal aid
Technically, you're squatters
There's hope
But just in case
(JOANNE whips out...)
MARK & JOANNE
Rope!
MARK (pointing off)
We can hoist a line --
JOANNE
To the fire escape --
MARK
And tie off at...
MARK & JOANNE
That bench!
MAUREEN
I can't take them as chums
JOANNE
Start hoisting...wench
(All three cross upstage and attempt to throw up the length of rope
over a plank. ROGER and MIMI are laughing and holding each other.)
ROGER
I think I should be laughing
Yet I forget
Forget how to begin
I'm feeling something inside
And yet I still can't decide
If I should hide
Or make a wide open grin
Last week I wanted just to disappear
My life was dust
But now it just may be a happy new year
A happy new year
(COLLINS enters with ANGEL. COLLINS, dressed in black and
wearing sunglasses, carries a bottle of champagne. ANGEL wears a
plastic dress and blonde wig: a small blowtorch is slung over his
shoulder.)
COLLINS
Bond -- James Bond
ANGEL
And Pussy Galore -- in person
MIMI
Pussy -- you came prepared
ANGEL
I was a boy scout once
And a brownie
'Til some brat got scared
COLLINS (to MIMI)
Aha! Moneypenny -- my martini!
MIMI
Will bad champagne do?
ROGER
That's shaken -- not stirred
COLLINS
Pussy -- the bolts
(COLLINS takes a swig of champagne as ANGEL grabs the
blowtorch.)
ANGEL
Just say the word!
(ANGEL turns on the blowtorch.)
MIMI
Two minutes left to execute our plan
COLLINS
Where's everyone else?
ROGER
Playing Spiderman
MARK
Ironic close up: tight
On the phone machine's red light
Once the Boho boys are gone
The power mysteriously comes on
