Now, I understand that some of you don't know Sour
Jane, so I'll tell you a little bit about her.
She's a lesbian Eskimo midget albino. She went to
college and she started the Lesbian Eskimo Albino
Student Union, and four hundred people signed up.
There they were, hundreds of 'em, lesbian midget
Eskimo left-handed albinos. Did I mention the fact
that she was left-handed? She's left-handed,
alright.
Girl's got some strange hobbies. One of her hobbies
is lowering children into open manholes, which is
kinda difficult 'cause a lot of the children are
taller than her, her being a midget and everything
...or her being a left-handed midget...or her being
a left-handed lesbian midget...or her being a left-
handed lesbian albino midget...or her being a
lesbian left-handed albino midget Eskimo...life can
be really difficult on that young lady.
She bit me once, you know. Right here, you see
this? Left a mark. She was lowerin' a friend of
mine's kid into the sewer, and I run up, tryin' to
stop her. I said, "Listen there, you lesbian midget
left-handed albino! You stop right there!" And she
bit me. I'm afraid I'm gonna...I'm gonna turn into
a lesbian left-handed midget albino when the moon is
full.
Oh my God, the moon is full tonight! I can feel
myself shrinking! I can feel myself becoming left-
handed! I can feel myself getting the urge to build
an igloo! I can feel my skin turning white and my
eyes getting red! I can feel...I can feel the urge
...to buy a Suzanne Vega album!!
