1. I LOOKED DOWN INTO HER BLOODSHOT EYES
SHE SAID “SAVE A BEER FOR ME"
I SAID, "I’LL HAVE TO DRINK IT LATER CAUSE NOW I GOTTA PEE”
SHE REACHED DOWN AND GRABBED MY GONADS
AND SHE SQUEEZED ‘EM IN HER HAND
SHE SAID “YOU AIN’T GOING NOWHERE
CAUSE NOW I NEED A MAN”
2. BUT I GOTTA GO REAL BAD
AND I JUST CAN'T TAKE A CHANCE
I GOTTA BEAT IT FOR THE OUTHOUSE BEFORE I *** MY PANTS
THEN WE BOTH HEARD SOMETHING COMING
AND IT SOUNDED LIKE A TANK
SHE SAID, “HOLY SIT IT'S TOIVO!”
AND SHE GAME ‘EM ONE LAST YANK
CHORUS:
I WAS JUST A LONELY YOOPER SHE GRABBED ME BY THE RUMP
SHE SAID HER HUSBAND TOIVO HE LAID THERE LIKE A STUMP
SHE SAID, “YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY WE'LL BE SAFE OUT HERE"
"TOIVO NEVER COMES TO CAMP UNLESS HE'S HUNTING DEER”
3. THEN I SAW OLE'’ TOIVO,
HE WAS LOADING UP HIS GUN
I RAN OUT FOR THE OUTHOUSE, I THINK HE SAW ME RUN
WHEN TOIVO CAME STOMPING DOWN THE PATH
I THINK HE HEARD ME GROAN
BUT WHEN HE OPENED THE OUTHOUSE DOOR
THERE WAS NO ONE ON THE THRONE
4. I LOOKED UP FROM THE SIT PILE
AT THE HOLE I JUST JUMPED THROUGH
I WAS SINKING PAST MY SHOULDERS
I WONDERED WHAT HE'D DO
THEN TOIVO DROPPED HIS TROUSERS
AND I WISHED THAT I WAS DEAD
I COULD HEAR HIM UP THERE GIGGLING
AS HE SIT UPON MY HEAD
