[To the tune of "I Shot the Sherrif" by Bob Marley]
Sherrif Taylor lives in Mayberry; Aunt Bea cooks and washes clothes. Oh, yea!
Little Opie wants to grow long hair, but Floyd cuts it before it grows.
And I hear Gomer Pyle wears panty hose.
[Gomer]Gya-a-awlee!
Andy’s the sherrif and Barney is the deputy.
[Barney]That’s “Deputy Sherrif Barney Fife”.
Andy’s the sherrif and Barney is the deputy.
[Barney]Yeah, move that vehicle.
Oh, yeah.
[Barney]Yeah, a lawman’s work is never done.
Barney Fife is a pipsqueak, man, but he carries a great big gun.
[Barney]That’s a lawman’s best friend.
People laugh when he whips it out ‘cause, bullets… He’s got just one.
[Barney]That’s ‘cause I’m an expert shot, Opie.
In his pocket – not in his gun. Whoa, yeah!
Andy’s the sherrif and Barney is the deputy.
[Barney]Now, over here’s where we incarcerate perpetrators.
Andy’s the sherrif and Barney Fife, his deputy. Oh, yeah.
[Barney]Hey, Anj – Got a hot date tonight. Prob’ly take the squad car.
Sherrif Taylor, he dates Helen Crump; Thelma Lou, she has Barney. Oh, yeah.
But the only one who gets his rocks off is the stone-throwing Ernest T.
They all live in celibacy. No wonder Otis drinks, man! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Andy’s the sherrif and Barney is the deputy. Oh, yes he is…
Andy’s the sherrif and Barney Fife, his deputy. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Howard Spraig is mad, man. Floyd the Barber cut off his dreadlocks. Ha-ha-ha. He’s very upset.
Hey, Goober, man. Put down that gas pump and take this splief. Hah, man?
Hey, wait – we put them together, we have a real party! Hah? Yeah!
Andy’s the sherrif and Barney is the deputy. Hey, Barney! Look what I got in the bag, hah: ganga…
[Barney]Well, it looks kinda like oregano to Op’.
For Aunt Bea’s brownies…
[Barney]Oh, I love brownies.
Yeah, it’s gonna be a very good party, man!
[Barney]Party? Well, I’ll bring the soda pop.
Say… Andy’s the sherrif… Why are there no black people here in Mayberry?
[Barney]Nip it! Nip it!
And why does Gomer have all these pictures of Rock Hudson on the wall?
[Barney]Well, we got a trouble-maker, Anj. Lock him up – Otis give me the keys.
Take me to Mt. Pilot, you know, the big city, man?
[Barney]Oh, you’re not goin’ anywhere, mister. We’re booking you on a 6-11, a 15-87 too. Hey, what kind of a haircut is that anyway? Otis, I said “Give me the keys!” Anj, Otis won’t give me the keys! Opie, quit smoking his cigarette! Aunt Bea, those are really great brownies. Hey, Floyd ate the rest of the brownies! Floyd? Floyd?
