Betty Comden and Adolph Green
music by Leonard Bernstein
RUTH
NOW THE FIRST WAY TO LOSE A MAN --
YOUVE MET A CHARMING FELLOW AND YOURE OUT FOR A SPIN.
THE MOTOR FAILS AND HE JUST WEARS A HELPLESS GRIN,
DONT BAT YOUR EYES AND SAY, WHAT A ROMANTIC SPOT WERE IN.
Just get out, crawl under the car, tell him its the gasket and fix it in two seconds flat with a bobby pin.
THATS A GOOD WAY TO LOSE A MAN.
HE TAKES YOU TO A BASEBALL GAME,
YOU SIT KNEE TO KNEE.
HE SAYS, THE NEXT MAN UP AT BAT WILL BUNT, YOULL SEE.
DONT SAY, OOOH, WHATS A BUNT? THIS GAMES TOO HARD FOR LITTLE ME.
Just say, Bunt? Are you nuts?!! With no outs, two men on base, and a left-handed batter coming up, youll walk right into a triple play just like it happened in the fifth game of the World Series in 1923.
THATS A SURE WAY TO LOSE A MAN.
A SURE SURE SURE SURE WAY TO LOSE A MAN,
A SPLENDID WAY TO LOSE A MAN.
JUST THROW YOUR KNOWLEDGE IN HIS FACE,
HELL NEVER TRY FOR SECOND BASE.
Ninety-eight ways to go.
THE THIRD WAY TO LOSE A MAN --
THE LIFE-GUARD AT THE BEACH THAT ALL THE GIRLIES ADORE
SWIMS BRAVELY OUT TO SAVE YOU THROUGH THE OCEANS ROAR,
DONT SAY, OH, THANKS, I WOULD HAVE DROWNED IN JUST ONE SECOND MORE.
Just push his head under water and yell, Last one in is a rotten egg and race him back to shore!
THATS A SWELL WAY TO LOSE A MAN.
YOUVE FOUND YOUR PERFECT MATE AND ITS BEEN LOVE FROM THE START.
HE WHISPERS, YOURE THE ONE TO WHO I GIVE MY HEART.
DONT SAY, I LOVE YOU TOO, MY DEAR, LETS NEVER NEVER PART.
Just say, Im afraid youve made a grammatical error -- its not To who I give my heart, it's To whom I give my heart -- You see, with the use of the preposition to, who becomes the indirect object, making the use of whom imperative which I can easily show you by drawing a simple chart --
THATS A FINE WAY TO LOSE A MAN.
A FINE FINE FINE FINE WAY TO LOSE A MAN,
A DANDY WAY TO LOSE A MAN.
JUST BE MORE WELL-INFORMED THAN HE,
YOULL NEVER HEAR O, PROMISE ME.
JUST SHOW HIM WHERE HIS GRAMMAR ERRS,
THEN MARK YOUR TOWELS HERS AND HERS.
YES, GIRLS, YOU TOO CAN LOSE YOUR MAN,
IF YOU WILL USE RUTH SHERWOODS PLAN:
ONE HUNDRED EASY WAYS TO LOSE A MAN!
